Tag Archives: DNA

It’s like building an outfit around a bracelet

8. 8. 8

8. That’s the number. How many times at this point Kari, my wife has tried to get pregnant. We have been cumulatively trying for 13 months now; we took a few months break at a point for some cocktails and sanity. Not getting pregnant is heart breaking and difficult. It’s unfair! Kari swears it is the hardest thing she has and ever will go through. In upcoming blog posts I will talk more about our trying times, however, so I don’t end up posting a blovel (blog novel of course…) I’ll stay focused.

I remember when I was younger my friends would find it amusing that I would pick out a bracelet, a pair of sunglasses, or a necklace and then purchase an outfit around an accessory. Keeping in mind this was in a time when I had money to spend freely on accessories and outfits. Now all additional income goes to our mortgage, our savings account and a Roth IRA… ah ADULTHOOD. Anyways, it was kind of my thing! Pick out a beautiful teal bracelet and follow it up with a full outfit that matched it. Truly backwards from the norm… yes I realized this and accepted it. I thought that phase had long passed, until recently when I looked around and thought about the number 8. Also known as one full eternity, it most certainly feels like an eternity at least! But I realized I had been secretly purchasing small accessories for my ultimate outfit, a BABY! **Please believe this is just a euphemism, a lighter look at the sad subject of unsuccessful baby making. I’m not buying a mini pooch so I can carry it around in a cute bag over here. I’m sarcastic and joking is a coping mechanism for me, so deal with it!**

Moving on… Let me show you some of the what I like to think of as the “I can’t wait to have the opportunity to become the perfect mommy’s montage”

How to make Animal shaped Cake Magazine Article

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Pregnancy Books Galore

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Charlie Brown Children’s Encyclopedia Collection

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I’m not stopping here either, I LOVE Pinterest, without needing to say it, I sure do have a Baby Ideas Board. Let me go there!

Seriously… How adorable!

 Tree book case

Almost perfect, just have to replace guy kissing girl with girl kissing girl 😉

 New Baby Photo, perfect!

I’m so excited to do this!!!

Baby Shower Ideas!

So above is just a smidge of my bracelets if you will!

 Thinking about becoming a mother changes what my free mind time is spent contemplating, when I zone out while watching TV, when I’m driving, or when I’m pretending to listen to someone talk, I’m thinking about baby names, what our child will be like, look like, will we teach them great values? Will we have a precious beautiful baby girl who is the sweetest daintiest little thing, or will we have a giggling little boy that loves to make monster noises and believes he is the coolest super hero ever? An obsession consumes you, along with an eagerness, an almost adrenaline pumps through my body when I think of the endless nursery options or baking cupcakes for my babies first birthday, making mother’s day gifts for my wife, holding and cuddling my baby, the thought is euphoric!

I remember telling my hair stylist who is also a lesbian and happens to do the hair of many lesbians in my community, when Kari and I were planning on starting a family how we talked and discussed and weighed every issue possible. We were at a point where we were jointly ready, excited, ecstatic about beginning the process of expanding our family. My stylist had named a few other couples who were either pregnant or still trying to have a child and I stated “Well it should happen in about 3 months, 6 tops, but I can’t imagine it taking that long”. I think about that sentence often, I would currently pay double for life per hair appointment if I could retract that naive, foolish statement! 8 try’s, 13 months, I obviously had no clue what I was talking about! However I do know I have a jewelry box full of accessories yet nothing to wear…

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To don-or not to don-or

When we decided we were ready to start a family there were beyond plenty of topics to discuss.  First was timing, would there ever be a “right” time??? See, the thing about gay couples starting a family is… well there is no such thing as an accident, no pleasant surprise if you will, so planning comes in to play, and can lead to high anxiety. Do we wait until we feel we have saved enough money? What’s enough money? We are both in our 30’s so time is of the essence, the reproductive specialist we began working with in February of 2012 was sure to inform us of that factor. We both want to have a child, Kari was eager to go first and I am more than fine with waiting for my turn (due to my significant white coat syndrome).

So next there were plenty of tests/blood work to ensure everything was fine and Kari was a healthy candidate for Intrauterine Insemination. The tests went great, we are almost there, last was picking the donor. This was an exciting yet stressful path. We discussed many options, there were willing friends, designated donors, we even discussed asking family members (not of the birth mothers of course). Figuring the DNA of one of my sibling’s combined with Kari’s DNA would be the closest that we would come to seeing what a baby would be like if we could have one together. We ultimately decided on using a donor, I mean seriously, imagine if I scolded my temper tantrum throwing toddler during Christmas dinner and all my brother could think of is hey, don’t talk to my kid like that… things could get extra uncomfortable at Grandmas! Choosing a donor was by far one of the most difficult decisions we have ever made in our existence.  This is essentially the equivalent of choosing a life partner, minus the dating, wining & dining, conversations, and meeting what may be their deranged family. There’s no break-up if you don’t like their personality, family values, poor dental hygiene or sleeping habits. This man that we pick to be the donor of our child will impact part of their life, his hereditary traits will follow the child, his looks will be a part of their looks, this decision is MAJOR!

After our personal preferences on standard features, (hair, eyes, height, ethnicity) were determined we had to figure out what health problems that the donor or their family has had/have would be permissible. This process took time, finally we narrowed it down to three finalists, we ordered their pictures and rushed to our email in-box, within seconds there they were; the possible 50% attribute of our future children. Contestant #1… I shriek, NO! I was disappointed he was not at all what I was expecting. “Ok well that was just the first one, open the 2nd”, I blurted with slight hysteria. “What” I screeched “Nooooo”. Frustration fell over us both. Kari huffed that with my extremely high standards, (which I like to refer to as finicky at best) that we will never find someone suitable. With just one picture left, we hesitantly double clicked, we were relieved, we found our donor! He has everything we are looking for, including good looks, phew… Yes!

We both feel secure in our choice, we feel lucky and blessed that we easily agreed on such a significant issue. Now we are ready!

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